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What makes this ironic is that I have a huge tattoo on my arm that says “never regret”.
I just feel so guilty and stupid. I was just reading old conversations on my email with my dad and I now see how he was trying to help me so bad and I was just plain stupid, acting like I didnt give a fuck.
how you can love someone else so much more than yourself. Because they don’t have your problems, they always know what to do, they’re perfect.
Their pain is your pain except it hurts so much more. Feeling helpless, wishing you could take their pain for them, because they don’t deserve it, but you do.
It’s almost funny how someone so familiar to feeling down doesn’t know how to help someone else when they feel sad.
This isn’t really suicide related sorry I’m just feeling curious.
Do you ever wonder how many people there are that don’t have an account or never say anything but come here to read and feel less alone?
Is it like 5x the number of people who say stuff? 10 times? What do you think? Again sorry I’m just wondering.
And if you are one of those people, hi. Yes i’m talking about u. <3
I know she’s the reason i hate myself. I wish I could just shut it off. but her nasty mean voice has gotten ingrained in me. whenever i tell myself that im not enough or that nobody cares, or i wont get anywhere in life, it’s in her voice.
the worst part about her lasting impression is like, most of the time i feel like im not even allowed to be sad. Whenever I would get upset or start crying it was always ‘stop feeling sorry for yourself’
any time i get depressed i just tell myself im feeling sorry for myself and i should stop because …
Looking more each day that my arrest was an inside job
I haven’t felt alive in 2 years
Goal accomplished… if the goal was to murder me
at the age of 13 i got on my knees
i obeyed the voices of my peers
that if i put out guys would notice me
i gave away a thing that shouldve meant something to me
the first girl in the group to lose her virginity
at the age of 14 i let in a boy
who only really saw me as a toy
he opened my legs and hushed my mouth
in a relationship with an older guy
i couldnt find my way out
my body wasnt mine
my face pressed up against stone cold hearts and hairy male thighs
unwanted tongues shoved down my throat
and tears in my eyes
lips pressed against mine
and i said …
Read about this on peaceful pill. Anyone else considering using this? Seems most of the major decisions I make in life are wrong. Fuck my life up, pick up the pieces, fuck it up again, pick up the remaining pieces. Not many pieces left to pick up, I’m almost out of chances, not sure a happy life is possible with all my bad decisions. Didn’t know how close to the ledge I was until I found myself there. It’s not a good place.
With every single step I take forward, I receive a hit. – Am I doing it wrong?
Those questions of uncertainty flow down my throat, among my tears. – Why didn’t I see it coming? Maybe I should’ve known? Did I let my self down? Haven’t I tried good enough? –
I feel empty like a bucket with a hole. Even when I just feel, when I feel that I have something in me! It turns out to be like a sack full of stones…. They are useless. My skills are useless.
The encounters I have with life, requires way more than just stones in a sack.
…
That’s one of my biggest issues: baggage. It may be possible to turn my life around but it’s like i can’t even begin to think about it.
The past 10+ years of my life weigh so heavily on me. My failure, regret….shame. It all crushes me. It makes me want to tear myself apart. Cut myself, and be left to bleed dry.
When i was younger i had that unyielding motivation. Like no matter how bad things got they would always work themselves out. Of course right?
Then you get older and see more of the world up close and you realize that yeah, it actually doesn’t have …
So the weather has been great for over 2 months now in the UK. Its made me happier. I’m doing more with my life and enjoying it more. I’m free from depression. My mind is not clouded and my attitude optimistic. Overall I’m happy.
However, in this state of clarity and freedom, I still want to die. If I ever kill myself, it will not be when I’m depressed, fragile, weak, down and out, when my life’s falling apart. No, it will be when I’m strong, happy, joyful and have no reason in my life to kill myself. Because the problem lies within, in my …
I crave exit from this world. Time and time again, I have fucked up in huge ways, and I need to pull the plug.
After a drug induced bout of psychosis years ago, I had to leave school.
My bipolar disorder has hospitalized me numerous times.
My drug use has alienated most of my family and friends. In total, maybe two people in the world love me.
My poor decisions have left me with no job, little hope of getting a new one, no insurance, limited funds, and serious health problems that will seriously fuck me up and make me even more miserable if left untreated.
I would get a …
i feel so invisible lately
its painful, almost
how people can see me
and yet not see me
i feel like a ghost
or a dream
or some other overplayed metaphor
that people use
when really what they mean
is that no one gives a shit
about them at all
and it hurts like hell
because i know its my fault
but i dont know how
to fix it
am i even real?
am i even here?
if people look through
but not at you,
if they talk near
but not to you,
do you even really exist?
do i?
hello, I want to end it tonight. i’ve reached the peak and mentally im already there. today they really pushed me off the edge… i just need a little more push… ive stared at my wrists for two hours in the bathroom very aware and in peace with my decisions. I just need a little little bit more. for the record i’m a saudi women so i think you all agree living isn’t much different from being dead. please i need encouragement just a little bit please… or help… i dont know what i want just something
The doors open, and I move to the corner of the train car. She enters as I turn to face the door, and she is happy to see me. She moves close, and I tell her that I love her. She smiles. I remember that smile.
Later, I describe how that smile will change. I point to a blank space, and I describe the moment where that uncomplicated joy will fade to realization, and a quiet kind of pain. Even here, I understand that this can’t last, why it shouldn’t begin.
Then I wake up. Again.
Here we are
Stuck by this river,
You and I
Underneath a sky that’s ever falling down, down, down
Ever falling down
Through the day
As if on an ocean
Waiting here,
Always failing to remember why we came, came, came:
I wonder why we came
You talk to me
as if from a distance
And I reply
With impressions chosen from another time, time, time,
From another time
I’m happy, I’m supposed to be. With my achievements and what I have in this moment of my life. I have a Master of Science degree in Accounting, I’m a CPA, soon to be CFE. I work as an auditor and make top 13 % of Americans my age. I have a boyfriend that loves me very much and tries his best to take care of me. But I’m just so depressed. I don’t want to live off drugs (doesn’t matter if it’s prescription or not) for the rest of my life. This pain in my brain is so heavy and sharp. And it lasts forever …
im new here, but only in posting. i have viewed this site more times than i can count when i have been feeling particularly badly, and today is just the day that i broke enough to make an account myself.
i am away from home at school this month, and i feel like im drowning. i was excited to come here because its a prestigious art school and it would give me an opportunity to learn over the summer and get college credits, and – i hoped – get away from the way i feel in my hometown. unfortunately, nothing has changed. i am still disliked …
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