I wanted to make this because I’ve only ever been venting on this forum and being extremely negative about myself all the time. I feel like that’s pretty unfair, so yeah I don’t know.

I had a pretty good day today. I got up at like two in the afternoon, I didn’t eat much, but hey, at least I got up right? Better than not. I tried listening to some new music but I just ended up listening to pretty similar music that I always listen to. Not a huge deal. I watched someone play a horror game too, I’m a big fan of horror games […]

Harassment | the suicide project – suicide stories

this person and ALL of their alt accounts should be banned. they are a troll that doesnt care.

The trust you built then shattered. Lost, alone, and tattered.

I was nothing more than an experiment to you: One successful experiment. I wish I had seen that then, because now I am left with only the destruction you gave me.

I’m so lucky for the man I have now but I can’t even appreciate him because of you: I can’t appreciate me or anything really.

Even the good days are meaningless.

Had it been 3 Days since? The Reason of my Traumata which drained the Happiness, the Hope and the Future in every agreeable Type I had left before the Person decided to repeatedly hit into my Life and disappear did contacted me again, now after a Year ago when the Cause of this Suicidal to the Grave State occured due the appearance of the Person.

The Person relieved me from the Amnesia but forgot to accompany an such crucial and critical Phase of Healing. The Person intended to Help me, and I gave all I got into it. I understand when the Person eventually did not […]

Are you doing okay?

$20 at a time.

I have enough left to pay it all back at once but that would leave me with only $10 (I have ~$90 but I want to take out another $20 for this weekend) “hey can I get $80 in cash even though I have zero way to spend it because covid feels like shunning me for having physical and mental problems” yeah…. No.

However the cats tracker tags are on the way so at least I made a responsible purchase with the money I do have. My coffee on the other hand is still on hold and even though it physically hurts way […]

This posting is probably a first, as I am writing it from my room in the mental health section of the community hospital.       I checked myself in 3 days ago.   At that time I was actively putting the pieces of my plan to disappear into action.   I say disappear as all I want to do is to disappear from this world, the disappointments, the disappointments of others, the disappointments that I caused, and the fear of loneliness that I can no longer control.

I had mad a promise to my wife (who has recently informed me she is leaving) that If I found myself […]

just that one word, “aside”, makes me shudder, for what is ever really just put aside?–and you’ll carry on, eat, drink, be merry and most of all you’ll sleep well.

Then again there’s a good chance you won’t. This much I’m certain of: it doesn’t happen immediately.  You’ll finish and that will be that, until a moment will come, maybe in a month, maybe feeling troubled or deeply in love or quietly uncertain or even content for the first time in your life. It won’t matter. Out of the blue, beyond any cause you can trace, you’ll suddenly realize things are not how you perceive them […]

I wrote this a few months ago to give to my ex wife. I spent years trying to keep her from killing herself because she is bipolar and had a bad childhood. Now she wonders about me although we split up a week ago again. We were almost partners a few times 20 years ago but we just became junkies instead lol. Good times…

How did I get here

Why can’t I heal

All thats left is pain

That I wish I didn’t feel

Where do I go

what will I find

who am I leaving

The love left behind

Everything is wrong

I can never get it right

The demands are overwhelming

Its time to say […]

As the title says, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. And while I’m not ready, I do think about it and I have a note written. I also have a plan, along with the motivation. I’m just not yet ready. But in all of my thoughts about it, one thing remains consistent: I’m going to do it after college. In all of my thoughts, that’s the one thing that is always the same.

Yesterday I learned how difficult the next few weeks were going to be. Next next week I have three final projects due and an exam. The following week I have 3 exams and 1 final project due. And of course in between now and then I have smaller regular assignments due. It’s typical, but that’s just it. I just have to keep chipping away at it, at least that’s what I keep telling myself. And then the joke was set up. I was emailed about a co-op opportunity from one of the many companies I applied to and got […]

What’s the point in staying alive if all I am is a disappointment? There is none. I feel as though I’m just a waste of a human being and I’m just over it. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I just want to be free. Free from my thoughts which are constantly drowning me and free of the feeling that being a disappointment makes me. The only way for me to be truly free is through death, but I can never pull up the strength to actually commit suicide. Honestly, I’m planning on doing it tonight, but like I said before, […]

I’m tired. I’m really tired. Not just physically, mentally, and emotionally. I’m tired if being the way I am, actually no I’m tired of not being the way I am. I mean if I take a look at myself. From like. A reasonable perspective. Right now, I rarely leave my bed. I usually fall asleep at 2 or 3 in the morning, wake up at 5, and then I don’t get out of bed until early afternoon. Do I have a reason to? I should have a reason to. I should have a reason to not be in my bed, wasting my time away, staring […]

Been contemplating suicide for a long time. I have come to the conclusion that if I off myself I won’t care, and wont know. With any luck the story is over and done. Simply nothing, no more, just kaput. The one thing that always comes to ponder is the possibility of an afterlife. I can only hope that is not the real deal. I just want my story to end to black, and nothing more afterwards. Just and end of the electricity inside the pumpkin and the brain is shut off. No more, as a light switch. OFF. To those who knew […]

I’ve been feeling “better” the last little while, at least my mind has quieted with the suicidal thoughts, the cutting has dropped off immensely, and summer is peeking its head out; I love the sunshine.
it’s far from perfect, I do get frustrated still with minor things that I should just fix but, ironically, despite feeling “better” mentally I can’t bring myself to do anything, I think I actually do better when I’m in anguish in that regard. Shower? Not today. Laundry? Nope, big nope. Cook? Never.
On a positive note, I did my taxes! lol. April 15th was always the deadline, I couldn’t procrastinate […]

a phrase I would often say to myself

I saw some other users sharing their vent art a while back, so I decided to share my most recent one. Idk if you can read it because the resolution might be low or if the image even loaded properly but thats fine

I wonder when I stopped caring about myself. When I started thinking that I’m useless. Beyond repair. Helpless. Someone that no one could ever genuinely enjoy spending time with. I’ve never belonged anywhere. I’ve never felt like I’ve belonged anywhere. I’ve never had any real dreams. I’ve never really wanted to accomplish anything. The very few people that I ever care about always end up leaving me. And I’m not sure if it even hurts. My heart hurts, but I feel indifferent. I feel completely detached from myself. Like the things I feel are feelings from another person. I want to cry, but I can’t. […]

I’ve had suicidal thoughts since I was a teenager. I was always able to talk myself out of it. I never really made an actual plan. I always kind of dreamed about way’s I’d do it, but they were always violent and I knew I wouldn’t go through with it.

This is dumb but I actually joined the army hoping I’d get the opportunity to do it without my family knowing it was suicide.

I made a mistake while I was in and I think it’s about to bite me in the ass. I would lose everything. I don’t think I’d be able to look myself in […]

I know its not gonna happen, but theoretically if we all decided to meet up, what would happen? Would we talk about depression/suicide stuff and open up to each other? Would it be awkward and uncomfortable because it feels different than talking online? Would we, or some of us, do something drastic?