Everything I try doesn’t give me any meaningful happiness.

A friend gave me a wrist band that said “do what makes you happy.”

All I want to do is die.

how selfish would it really be to take my life? i mean in all honesty i’d be dead. yeah thinking about how “hurt” my family would be sucks but if i’m not here to see it i guess it wouldn’t really matter. lately i’ve seen how much my parents don’t love me. at least they don’t show it. they constantly try to degrade me. making me feel worthless. school has also been really fucking stressful. life all together. i think it’s better if i just wasn’t breathing any more.

“See you in a few hours, Curtis.”

(pause, deep deep struggling breath) “Ok.” (Faint as a whisper.)

Yeah. What real problems do I have?  Not that many. Seriously, dude, not that many. Wanna go for a walk? Wanna go to the store? Wanna. . . wanna. . . want to. . . Do you want to. . . What do you want? Most of it is readily and easily accessible, and here, where we are, that’s all that really matters.

You lucky s.o.b.

Count ’em up. You’re buried in blessings, my man.

Zzyzx. What the hell? I mean, who names a street this?

that’s my sole purpose of going to work everyday 🙂

Just when I think that things cant get any worse in my life, they do.
People keep getting in my way of my happiness.
The people I called “friends” backstab me, talk about me behind my back, and turn on me like they’ve never cared in the first place..
People hate me for things I don’t even do wrong.
I’m so lost inside myself, and my life..
I was clean for about 8 months, before I fell so far into the darkness and couldn’t handle it anymore that I managed to slip my way back into cutting again.. It’s not something I’m proud of, but […]

made me withdraw my attempt
got missed in the aftermath
shall anyone kill itself before too late
give me a gun and you’re dead

Yay for…..whatever you call having memories that freak you out. Ok i have to get ready for work so long story short….
Im taking my friend out to get our nails painted. And aside from my depression occasionally not wanting to ive been fine. Until about 5 minutes ago.
The only person that has ever painted my nails is my mother. And in case you dont know my story she abused me. Physically. Emotionally. Knowing someone abused me sexually and did nothing about it. (It was her husband) Basically ive been there done that with her and its just hitting me now like someone dropped […]

If I wont be able to change my life for the better this year, i’ll sign off.

lifes at a wierd stage right now for me. i think its getting pretty bad if i hate the word life. makes me think of how long and horrible mine would be, last night i tried again. but every fucking time i do all that pops in my head is my nephews and neice and my mother and how it would affect her and one time i tried and i thought it was too late then passed out for 3 days and woke up thinking you silly girl wtf is wrong with you how could you put that stress and pain on your family, so […]

I wish i could be alone. I wish I could be isolated. But the people around me are so incessant. I can’t handle it. I wIsh it didn’t hurt so, so bad. So bad.

I’m going to try to end things one more time. Hope to get it right. I don’t know how, but I think it’s time.

welp, cut again…. I would argue that it doesn’t count because it’s not deep but I’m bleeding…. these flimsy knives are surprisingly not good at cutting me at least…. I hate myself for this 🙁 it itches so much, so much more than usual I hope I don’t get something horrible they werenn’t new blades and have been used for things -_-

I stop
Cause i want to try to love my self more
Cause i want to try to appreciate my self more
Cause i want to try to stand where i want to be

Sorry

on Sunday I thought maybe I should try to give life one last chance and move to the Caribbean and start of fresh. then after careful thought I changed my mind and Decied to proceed with my suicide. cause it is going to take a lot of money and energy to do that. and I don’t have that. especially the money.

So I’m just going to move on with the suicide cause it is a lot more easier for me to do so.

life is pointless at this point. there’s nothing left for me in this world

Ladybugluvr: Like a Victory cry , my sister said I was going through Alcohol withdrawal I live in California, and Mexicans always seem to like to give me shit because some say I just seem “red-neck” or rasict but theres a background to that story more that ill reveal later Dont get me wrong im not horrible looking im Mexican with a splash of white, but im light skinned. I had to get loud with a hispanic worker at subway today……………

Im just a mess my father is abusive, hes the hispanic and just this past year I made it official to my Mom,dad,sister and Half […]

stop this pain, im so tired of it i want to sleep at a normal time again i want to laugh again and i want to be genuinely happy again not just fake happy to the cashier so she doesnt think im some snobby *****,,my motto is fake it till u make it, i havent made it yet,been faking it for years no change. just someone help me, please..

i cant close my eyes or im too scared, im scared to fall asleep.. and every male thats in my life or that i pass on the street regardless if i know they are good people and wouldnt hurt me i still get so nervous. its hard to admit this but i even got scared around my own father. and i KNOW that he would never ever do such a thing but from the day that i was sexually assaulted i just cant trust anyone. i trust four people that i can be around and not get scared, that is my mum, two of […]

I’ve been having suicidal thoughts for as long as I can remember. I always think about ways i can kill myself and hope for someone to kill me to put me out of my misery. I’ve never sought any treatment for mental health and have no interest in doing so. I really just want to kill myself. I’m so exhausted of living and waking up every day. I have no passion and nothing in this world is good enough to make me want to stay alive honestly. Everything is a disappointment. I don’t enjoy anything normal people do and I’ve tried it all. I don’t […]

I wonder how death looks like. I feel like I am feeling the presence of death. Its an odd feeling, like that same feeling that comes when watching the TV, with all the crime stories. You look to all the human disgrace, and how cruel a human can be, the gory details, the violence, and it leaves a stamp on you. Something hard to grasp. A void. A ghost-like presence resembling the smell of ashes, old stuff, a grey feeling. But there is also a part in me, with a note of rejoice, pleasure, as if I wanted to see those things happening, the blood […]

i feel like the time is coming soon.

Im honestly doing okay right now im having my bad moments but other than that im alright for now. But for some reason I have the urge nearly daily if not multiple times a day to cut. I won’t but I just dont understand why the urge won’t leave me