Feeling like I’m getting pushed to the edge

this is a loaded question. What I’m getting at isn’t just superficial looks but it’s more about being able to look in the mirror and see something nice for a change. imagine waking up one day looking perfect by your definition. whatver that is, perfect body, great smile, bright eyes whatever. Someone you don’t hate. someone who isn’t a loser or at least doesn’t look like one. Would that make you less inclined to kill yourself?

Day three, no home, no job, no support system, and not sure how to proceed.
I don’t want to be here anymore. And yet the challenge of driving across the country, for what? Nothing waiting for me anywhere. Money will run out soon. If I off myself I can leave what little is left to the ex. She needs it more than me, she has a teenage sone who is Type-1 diabetic like herself. He doesn’t look after himself, circling the drain, lives with his shitty dad who blames her for his situation and doesn’t help him at all. Her dad wants to sell the […]

lately, a few memories have been flooding my mind, not sure why. it’s been a rough few months, honestly. and flashbacks haven’t made them any easier.

classes and homework are taking up a lot of my time, but still, feels like i’m spreading myself thin. friend of mine started to talk more regularly with me this year and they think it’s great and all but half the time i don’t know what to say. every time we talk, i feel so drained; i just physically can’t keep talking for the whole day.

kinda hard to explain, but it just constantly feels like i’m being talked down to, […]

I apologize to everyone that has seen my losts lately. Ive been drinking a lot, and when I drink im an asshole. I suppose ive been drinking because i feel like i need to be a little bit numb to have the same enthusiasms i did as a kid. I dont know. But i feel bad about the effect ive had on others here, and i apologize for my rudeness.

Not suicide related

I’m so lonely… I’ve been kinda trying to interact with others in the online game, even though the game isn’t there for socialising.
I don’t want others to find out what I’m like though, they’ll probably laugh. I’m useless, miserable and am done with life.

I don’t know why I bother. Most people in this world are needlessly judgemental anyway.
Most people also don’t care about others, that’s just how we are…

I believe that there’s someone out there for everyone. Unfortunately we’ll probably never meet this ‘someone’ in our lives.
They are out there, just the likelihood of ever coming across them is […]

Things are lookin up for me n gettin better. I hope im not jinxing myself by sayin that. But they are gettin better n i hope it continues.

Its just not possible for me to be happy. Im sorry.

If anything happens to me i hope you dont find out. I know how youd feel and i want you to know its not your fault.

I wish I could express myself to the people I care about. I’m a private person, and there was a time in my life where I realized that oversharing was never good. People don’t ask, don’t care unless it’s about them so why continue to talk about the things I like or my concerns? I stopped talking about myself and it’s been 2 long years and people haven’t got a clue on what I do because they don’t care enough to ask! They would say “Don’t worry”, “It’ll be okay”, “That’s cool”, etc. Could you give me any other repetitive dull, common response? Are you […]

I don’t know how to feel joy without some degree of suicidality. Beauty inspires joy in me, but it’s always accompanied by a sense of my insignificance in contrast. And that always makes me want to lose myself in the greatness of all things indifferent to me.

Yesterday I saw the sea. Somehow, the longer I wait before I see it again, the smaller it seems in my mind. That is, until I see it again. It makes me want to drown in it. The ocean is so incomprehensibly large that when it swallows me I will be nothing. It will be as though […]

?hello. I’ve vented on here once before and it helped a bit. and I’ve been needing someone too talk too. So if posting twice is against the rules I’m sorry and you could delete this. If you’d like too know about some things about my life and stuff you could read my other vent called “im just a kid.” okay let me start. my dad has been putting a lot of pressure on me too study CFA and I’m only 12. i get hes doing it for my future but its gone too far. summer. I didn’t enjoy it. my devices were taken away for […]

there are several reasons why it doesn’t seem worth much for me to keep going.

once i get out of this, once i regain control over my mind and my life, i don’t really get any tangible reward. it will be just simply the end of the struggle, that’s all there will be to it. and once the struggle is over, i will be still in the same messed up world feeling even more out of place than ever before.

i somehow ended up thinking about how life is just this massive trap where accomplishing things actually feels like failure because it too […]

I’ve read shit on google about it, but does anyone else have problems with BDD? I’m trying to get to the bottom of why I hate my body so much

Have the means. Have the time. Just need the courage. Wish me luck

1 friend blocked. Another on mute. I’m so done with all this bs. I’m done going to therapy until this problem is dealt with, I don’t care if it takes months. I’M DONE DEALING WITH IT.

I’m NOT going to psych. And it’s not my fucking BPD.

And now I’m waiting for a message from my other friend, “What happened? Are you ok? I saw the post.”
Yeah I’m fine, just done dealing with people. I’d kinda prefer to ignore it all right now if you don’t mind though…..

I’ll spend my weekend getting drunk, high and doing whatever I please.

Becoming a friend of death;

[still no title option admins, so here I am typing my feelings out using outdated self formatting.]

I remember when I was just a little kid. I grew up in a rather conservative christian household. Obviously, it was not a natural fit. Yet there were moments when it almost was. When I joined a drama/comedy group for example, or when we sang specific songs. One such song is called “I am a friend of God”

Like so; “I am a friend of God, I am a friend of God, I am a friend of God, he calls me friend”

Yes, I was aware at […]

i am leaving for a lake trip i guess thats what i could call it.. ill leave in a few hours since its kinda morning now. i have my stuff packed but eh i dont feel to good about it if im being honest, like i had a idea for me and my little brother to go sleepover at our grandparents tonight so we can all just leave together in the morning but i had a freak out (totally my fault..) and called my parent/s to pick me up while my brother stayed the night. me and brother birthday is also the day after we […]

I am 28 years old and I live in Los Angeles. I have PTSD that causes me to have a breathing problem. I have been through so much despair that I unwillingly hold my breathe when ever I am around people. Every one and I mean EVERYONE talks about like I am stupid ,they gossip right infront of me and they don’t even whisper.

They are basically Brittney Spearing me. My breathing problem is not being able to fully breathe in or fully breathing out. I work as a courier in DTLA and I am always being himulated . My breathing […]

That feeling, the overwhelming darkness creeping, the feeling of freshly sharpened nails attached to long slender fingers closing in around your throat.
Being sad or depressed, or grieving, it all gives off the same feeling. Pure, overwhelming black. A black mood some would say.
For me, it comes and goes. Some days I’ll be fine, smiling, laughing, happy. And the very next I can’t find the same joy I did the day before. Repeating the same monotonous tasks day in and day out. I’m too young to feel the way I do. Or so that’s what people tell me. I have my whole […]