Hello SP Administrator, I am an old user and am returning to the site to ask you something.

After the incident in 2011 I got the treatment I needed, I talked to a therapist about my problems and carried on with my education at the time.

I got my qualifications, and got over my depression with medication and therapy, now I have voluntary job at a charity shop and hope to better myself in the future.

Yet, I still remember this site and wished to come back to it to let you all know how things turned out.

But, there is a problem that I feel only you can […]

I was out geocaching with my friends last summer. We always did it at night in the backroads and graveyards and abandoned churches in the woods. I guess we ticked off a truck driver one night because he called the police on us. Anyway, the cop asked us what we were doing out there, and so we told him, and he thought it was cool because he’s never heard of geocaching or a geocaching app. Then he asked us if we had something better than pepper spray for self-protection, since, we loved doing this stuff at night. I didn’t, though, owning a stun gun sounded […]

An open letter. 

I miss you. 

I know you probably won’t see this. I know we’re over. I know there’s no more pieces left for me to pick up. I never got to say these words but here I’am now.

This is for you. This is for the unsaid feelings that I’ve left behind along with the memory of you.

You don’t deserve someone who breaks your heart every now and then. I could’ve been better. We could’ve been more. We could’ve. But we chose not to. I’ve had my reasons and you’ve had yours. I’m sorry. For the times that things were […]

half of me fights with everything it has to destroy me. it drinks. and does drugs. it lets my disorders eat me alive.

half of me fights with everything it has to get better. to stop drinking. to stop smoking up. to heal my disorders.

i wonder who will win in the end

I know it isn’t wonderful and full of dazzling brilliance to just talk about problems. It’s so hard to, because everything is so chaotic. It’s so relieving to vent on here.
So, my girlfriend of a year has borderline personality disorder. It’s a monstrous and controlling relationship. I’m under a radar, I guess. Lol I can’t take a 20 minute drive or see my friends. She’ll cut or blacken her eyes or strangle herself until she’s blue in the face. Hospitalizations are endless. I felt bad in the beginning but now it’s dead ended and I’m ready to leave her. She stopped self harming for […]

..cause to be a “winner” implies causing another to become a “loser”. I don’t want to create any losers. It’s a hard piece of real estate to take up in this world.

im hanging out with my cousin tomorrow. this is the first time ive ever hung out with him. i was too young before and then we stopped talking for a while. im going to be trying shatter for the first time. not only that but he sent me a couple messages im not sure what to think about. hes not actually my cousin. we were both married into the family through our mothers but still. im a little bit worried about going tomorrow. being alone. my husband having no idea what im doing. what if my gut is right and its a bad idea. i […]

so much has changed, yet so much has not changed. i thought i had made strides in life, setting goals and finally trying to move forward and embrace a future where i live, but i was wrong. i am still so weak and in so much pain, even with the professional help i’ve obtained. i still wish to die. i do not think i will ever be good enough to exist in this world. i certainly will never be able to stand on my own two feet. i am still a colossal disappointment to my loved ones. i am a burden and a waste of […]

I’ve been considering ending it all. The first girl I ever opened myself to has left me. She helped me through abuse and sexual assault. I’m a male and never talked about it to anyone. To keep her I broke my family and my relationship with them. I had three mentors, all in February took their lives one after another. My girl left me on Christmas eve, right after I came home from MEPS to join the army. I passed but now I wished I didn’t. It’s difficult when shaving to not just slice my neck. I shave with a straight razor. I may stop […]

16-1-2020

We gonna have second sex (real one) on Sunday, 19-1-2019
But suddenly he take a step back
I was dissapointed and hurts actually

He said Im too precious
He didnt want to hurt me
He remember about what I said at my first time with him
Yes its aching especially when exposed to water
A little bit blood
He afraid it will become habits and addiction
Or an escape of life and problem

But actually
He want to do it more
He want to put it in deeper
He want to make feel pleasure too

He feels afraid cant control himself
Want to do it more with me […]

I’ve been thinking about sitting in the garage with my car on. Buying melatonin and falling asleep to never wake up again. I feel like it would be a peaceful way to die.

Thoughts of suicide have always consumed my mind. I realized life is not for me at a young age. Nothing makes me happy. Nothing in this world is good enough to make me want to stay. I can’t relate to other people. I don’t understand how people can be happy or motivated or excited. I only feel anger and depression.

I’m sorry, but this is not a sad post. Instead, I wanted to share with you an update. A long time ago I discovered this website through some random google searches. I typed in “suicide” and just kept surfing the web, I landed on this page. I remembered leaving a post here about how sad, empty, and lonely my life is, and wish I wasn’t here.

Long story short, here I am, 10 years later, still alive, but instead, very happy. I have a very successful career, a very loving husband, an adorable son, and I am happy. I didn’t give up. And so shouldn’t you. […]

Not sure if they were real or if I’m hearing voices again. Worried about my ex.

whens it needed?
currently im not high or drunk but once i decided i want it i get it. ive tried to not but i want it so fucking bad. to just leave this world temporarily. ive gone as far as hiding it from my husband so he doesnt know.

ill be honest im not even sure why im posting this. i wont go until im forced to. but others opinion on when it becomes an addiction is nice i guess

speaking of which i need more. i only have a shot of whiskey left which im about to drink thankfully tomorrows payday

2 days ago at 8am I asked my 2nd subject teacher to excused me in his class for me to visit our guidance counselor. Well… it’s no longer hard for me to talk about what happened and about me being depressed and all. So we talked for an hour about my problems and she gave her input. And like all conversation to soothe or attempt to comfort me didn’t reach me.

After class, I went to see my first ever visit to a psychiatrist. I’ll just call him Mr. X and I don’t have any reason to why. Anyway, I discussed the things that happened and […]

I’m in a near constant state of internal conflict and uncertainty. I should be dead. If anyone should, I should. I must be among the most wretched people on this planet. There’s so much wrongness in me.

But ending my life seems likely to devastate my parents and sister. When they’ve done so much to try to help me. I don’t want to do that to them. To infect their lives with my despair and hopelessness, when they worked so hard to give me hope and happiness when I was young.

Perhaps that’s just a rationalization, and all that’s really keeping me going is blind survival instinct. […]

So, it took me around 6 or 7 years for me to realize that all I want in life is to be taken into account. To be someone that people think about. To not just be a complete no one blended in the crowd. But I wouldn’t call myself an attention seeker, all I’ve ever wanted was a purpose, a place in this world.

I’m pretty sure this all started back when I was in junior high school. I was your typical shy and not talkative (outcast) kid. I never was a person of many friends (and I’m not to this day), but I longed […]

So, my mental health has been turbulent since I was about 10, and I’ve had many attempts at ending my own life, none in the past two years.
however, today I’ve started to put my affairs in order, planning who gets my belongings, my funeral arrangements, how they’ll find me (or how they’ll at least know I’m gone). And of course how I’m going to do it. I have the date planned, the arrangements, and I’m actually excited- my previous attempts have had a lot of room for error, but this method, it’s foolproof.
they won’t be able to stop me

itll be my last hoorah, […]

Is it amoral to smack someone upside the head with a baseball bat if it’s for a good reason? Asking for a friend.